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HOLLENBECK: It’s all in the bag |
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Tuesday, 15 January 2008 |
 Borrow or Steal. That’s what I said. Not the old saw, “beg, borrow or steal.” We’re talking bags here, as in purses or pocketbooks.
This is a new entity that’s all about handbags and is something that’s supposed to intrigue purse addicts.
Ihe Internet announcement got my attention. For lack of a better term, I’ll call myself a purse-aholic. Proof of this is the fact that I’ll normally have at least half a dozen purses in my car. There’s always the possibility I might need to swap bags for an unscheduled — or, for that matter, scheduled — activity so I have to be prepared. (A holdover from my days as a Girl Scout.)
There’s nothing that makes you feel any dowdier than carrying a tacky purse into a really nice event. You can be all gussied up in a sharp outfit, good-looking shoes and just the right jewelry and — whoa. There’s that well-worn purse you’ve toted around all day long while going to meetings and interviews and such.
Make a fast switch to a classier bag and you’re instantly fashionable.
However, I’m just a bit leery of any organization that offers me the opportunity to borrow expensive designer purses — for an unlimited time — without telling me the fee.
The blurb about the purse-swapping organization states: “Imagine always having the perfect bag. Join Bag Borrow or Steal and for as low as $5 a month, you’ll have access to borrow hundreds of authentic, exclusive designer bags and jewelry — and be able to borrow them as often as you like.”
The pitch promises no late fees and sets no time limit. It also states that new bags will be added to the available offerings every day.
“Keep your bag a week, a month — however long you want. After you return it, we’ll automatically ship the next bag on your wishlist right to your door,” the pitch states.
And shipping is free.
The person signing up to join is asked to list her favorite bag designers. Choices given are Baby Phat, Botkier, Bottega Veneta, Bulga, Burberry, Chanel, Chloe, Christian Dior, Coach, Dooney & Bourke, Fendi, Gucci, Jimmy Choo, Kate Spade, Kooba, Louis Vuitton, Lulu Guinness, Marc Jacobs, Prada, Valentino and “other.”
You’re asked to name the type of bags you prefer, such as clutch, tote, shoulder bag, evening bag or something else. And you’re allowed to check as many as you want
The next query deals with personal style. The choices are:
•Couture - Luxurious sophistication.
•Diva - Uncompromisingly unique.
•Princess - Classic femininity.
•Trendsetter - Refreshingly fashion-forward.
The blurb begins with this teaser:
“Indulge your passion for designer handbags — without spending a fortune.
“Why should celebrities, socialites and fashion editors be the only ones allowed to borrow fabulous fashion accessories? With Bag Borrow or Steal, you can gain access to hundreds of authentic, luxury bags from leading designers ... all for a membership fee of as little as $5 a month.
“Choose bags that range from trendy and fashion-forward to runway-worthy couture,” the piece states.
Then the red alert follows: “You pay a rental fee based on the type of bag you choose and how long you keep it ... “
By joining, the promotion states, you will be taking “the first step to bag bliss.”
I love purses. Every member of my family will attest to that. One Christmas I got new bags from four family members, none of whom had conferred with the other. But that was OK with me. They were all different and I liked every one.
But they were all MINE. I wasn’t renting any of them and didn’t have to return them. Can you just imagine renting some high-dollar bag and spilling a Dr Pepper on it? Or having your cat curl up to it and at that precise moment decide to hack up a slimy hairball?
The possible fiascos that could occur are endless. I’d better stick to personal ownership. I don’t think I want an $800 bill for carrying some highfalutin purse that I don’t get to keep.
Coincidentally, after I started writing this piece, I watched an old “Murder, She Wrote” episode in which the crime was solved after the tainted jar of strawberry preserves was found in the killer’s purse.
Think of the aftermath of that one. If I carried preserves in my rental purse, some of it probably would ooze onto my hairbrush and other sundry items. What fun.
The hype about bags also called to mind my mother and Queen Elizabeth. I’ll bet a dollar that the purse hawkers offer nothing like the pocketbooks unique only to those two women.
Mamma had a whole bunch of them, but the style never changed. Ditto for Her Majesty. Whether it’s to welcome home ships from battle or to dine with visitings heads of state, it’s the same old pocketbook.
*****
Just an addendum: I remember watching Art Linkletter’s “House Party” television show when he would examine the purses of women he selected at random. I could have supplied just about any item he decided to search for on any particular day.
For years I carried a plastic bag containing a wet wash cloth. That started when I had babies and you never knew when you might need one. I was still doing it when they were in college.
In case there’s some bedraggled young mother out who thinks she needs a lift and is considering joining Bag Borrow or Steal, I’d recommend her thinking twice about it.
I don’t think I’d want to be around when her borrowed bag was being checked in by the purse gestapo. Baby spit-up leaves some pretty telltale reminders.
Heads could roll.
Lynda Hollenbeck is associate editor of the Courier.
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