|
HOLLENBECK: Single friend extols lifestyle |
|
|
Monday, 21 April 2008 |
I have a friend who's single and content with her lifestyle. She's done the marriage thing more than once and has concluded she's better off flying solo.
For some time now, she's been on her own and seems happier than I've ever known her to be.
I've known her my entire life and am not surprised she's reached this juncture. She's a free spirit and does best when not restricted by others’ rules and regs.
She recently sent me something that describes her single life. These are the highlights:
•You can vacuum whenever you want — or not at all.
•You don't have to make up excuses if you dent your car.
•You never have to watch Monday Night Football.
•You can cut your toenails in bed.
•You can bring home a Sara Lee cake for two and eat both portions.
•You can rip out anything you want from the newspaper the moment you spot it.
•You can use all the hot water.
•You can put cream on your face, petroleum jelly and gloves on your hands and feet and wear an old T-shirt to bed, and no one cares.
•You never have to tell anyone how your day went.
•You can go dancing until 3 a.m. and no questions will be asked.
•You can have cold pizza for breakfast and serve Hershey's kisses and a Dr Pepper for supper and no one's unhappy.
•No one will scoff when you say you have nothing to wear.
•You can sit in a chair and read a novel from cover to cover without feeling guilty about shirking home chores.
•You won't annoy anyone if you sing opera while you paint your nails — at 3 a.m. if it suits you.
•Your cats can sleep on your pillow and no one cares.
•You can spend the money you would have spent on anniversary gifts and send your blouses and shirts to the laundry.
•You can keep everything where it's easiest for you to reach it, use it, pet it, eat it, look at it and store it – even if it's on top of your bed.
•When you get a box of candy, you can stick your fingers into all of the pieces to decide which one is best and not feel a bit bad.
•If you're a slurper, you can slurp all you want and not have to apologize.
•You can pile dishes on the counter for days, or weeks, until you run out if you want to.
•You can leave the top off the toothpaste and no one will complain.
•You can decorate your house any way you want without anyone making a fuss.
•You don't need a good reason to buy a new outfit.
•You can talk to yourself all you want – have whole arguments, even sum up for the jury — and no one will counter anything you say.
•You can talk on the telephone for hours and no one will start humming or looking at his watch or staring for extended periods.
•You can flirt with everyone at a party.
•You can rearrange the furniture in the middle of the night.
•You can set all the clocks fast.
•You can watch old movies all night long.
•You can switch TV channels without asking anyone.
I told my spouse about my friend's assessment of her current life and showed him what she had sent.
Ed looked over it, shook his head, then was silent.
“Well, don't you think they're funny?” I asked.
He paused briefly before saying, “Lynda, this sounds pretty much the way you live. With only a couple of exceptions, you could have written this about yourself.”
I started to sputter assorted protests, then stopped in mid-sputter.
Sometimes even I know when it's best to shut up.
Ed's a good man. He lets me be me. I think I'll keep him.
Lynda Hollenbeck is associate editor of the Courier.
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
or
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
|
Razorbacks