Benton Courier - DAVIS: Forgetting to light the dynamite

W e are living in a politically correct world. It seems that we fight being labeled but at the same time use those labels when the opportunity presents itself to flail against the wind and decry victimhood. There are very few groups or people with the ability to laugh off the world and move forward.
But within our society, there remains one group of people still free to be picked upon and ridiculed and that is Southerners.
I have traveled to several other states in America as well as a handful of foreign countries and during those visits have found folks everywhere to be very kind and friendly to Southerners. One of these days I’ll tell you about my trip to Costa Rica. While flying into the jungle, the plane carrying my luggage crashed and burned at the airport. I spent the next five days wearing the same clothes. But we will save that for another time.
However, my most recent trip presented an opportunity to face down a common stereotype. I came face-to-face with the myth that Arkansans are ignorant hillbillies – in of all places but Branson, Mo.
I know what you are thinking. That’s like the pot calling the kettle black. I agree with you so let me tell you what happened and in the process make a short story, longer.
Each fall, my wife, son and I venture into the foothills of Missouri for a trip to Branson. We go there with our neighbors Tim & Sarita Davis and their son Taylor. We go to see the Christmas lights and start shopping for presents. We have been doing this for several years but in all those trips we had never set foot into one of the shows made famous by this town. This trip was different.
On Friday we decided to attend not one but two shows as bookends to shopping. The first show, Yakov Smirnoff, was at 9:00 a.m. The second was the Chinese Acrobats at 8:00 p.m. In between, Branson Landing would feel the full brunt of the Laura & Sarita “Shock & Awe” shopping tour. Since Tim could not attend this year (he had some lame excuse. Swine flu my rear) it became my job to be pack mule for the shopping tour and chauffeur for the shows. I didn’t mind. At least they let me keep the car keys.
You would think that an early morning comedy show might not be the best way to start your day. However, it was very good. Yakov Smirnoff has his own theater in Branson. He is a comic from Russia and has appeared in several motion pictures alongside actors such as Robin Williams and Tom Hanks.
We arrived at his theater and once we passed the ten feet tall talking head of Yakov, we entered the theater and found our seats. The show began and it was funny right from the start.
At one point in his show, he came out on stage to talk about America and how great it is. He said that nowhere else in the world could a Russian and Japanese (Shoji Tabuchi) have their own theaters in a town like Branson. This drew a big laugh from the crowd but there was no faulting the logic of his statement.
He went on to describe what it was like living so close to the border with Arkansas. Here is where the mudslinging started. He said that there has long been a running feud between folks in Missouri and folks in Arkansas. He did some research and found out how it all got started. It seems that a long time ago, a man from Arkansas stood along the border between the two states and hurled a stick at a man from Missouri on the other side. The man from Missouri picked it up and threw it back at him. Next came a rock thrown at Missouri which was then picked up and thrown back at Arkansas. One thing led to another and pretty soon a stick of dynamite was thrown from the man in Arkansas. In retaliation, the man from Missouri picked up the stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it back at Arkansas. After a brief moment of silence, the crowd erupted in laughter at the seemingly lack of intelligence of the man from Arkansas in the joke.
A little later on in his show, Yakov did a skit in which he was the president and was taking questions from the audience as if he were in a press conference. After answering the question about how he planned to lower the price of gasoline (to which he replied, “sell it by the quart”) I raised my hand. I didn’t know at the time that the other questioners had been planted in the audience.
The assistant came to me with the microphone and I stood to ask this question: “I listened to your remarks earlier and I have one question for you. Do you really think people from Arkansas are stupid?” At this point, I handed the microphone to the assistant and stood there, all 6 feet and 6 inches of me in my red Arkansas sweatshirt for all to see. The crowd said, “ooohhhhh”.
Then, as the audience quieted, Yakov responded “Did you just now get the joke?” The audience erupted in laughter. I stood speechless then sat down.
It seems I had forgotten to light the dynamite.

Brent Davis is a lifelong resident of Benton and Saline County. The Courier has been part of his life for as long as he can remember. He is a graduate of Benton High School. His column typically appears on Fridays.
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